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Dec. 30th, 2007

J&M

random goals for 2008

In no particular order of importance, here are some goals for the coming year:

Create regularly
Submit photos/art for display to at least 5 different places
Take care of & CHERISH myself
Explore spirituality
Be more patient & understanding
Learn to control my thoughts & reduce negativity
Be active
Embrace life with an open heart
Learn More
Love More
Be as happy as I can be
Improve

Dec. 27th, 2007

J&M

Gearing up for the new year

My father in law will be allowed to be left on his own for short periods of time soon so I'll be getting a bit of free time back just in time for the new year. Yippee!!!!! So I should be posting here more often and I'll probably get my photo site ready for visitors too. Maybe some of you who stop by here will visit there too so I get some traffic :). If anyone is interested let me know and I'll email you the link. Not sure I want to post it here for the general population and search engines to find.

So, 2008 is going to be the year of Health for me. This year I'm going to take charge of my health (and my life) and really take care of myself. And for once I'm not going off half-cocked with no plan. I've bought the books You on a Diet, You staying young, and Bob Green's best life to help me create a healthier eating plan. I've also found some good online vegetarian and ayuervedic diet sites too. I've scheduled a physical with a full blood work up, including a test for hypothyroidism & hemochromatosis which run in my family. I've also talked to my doctor about my migraines and he gave me some medication to try out next time I have one. I've even scheduled a pap test and a mammogram, both of which I've never had before. For christmas I got several yoga dvds and a yoga "kit" with mat and blocks. I've also arranged to use my sister in law's recumbent exercise bicycle for awhile and I'm working on making a new schedule for myself that includes daily exercise. Look out 2008, here I come! :)

My next post will probably be a list of my goals for 2008 and then I'll disappear for a few days because New Year's Day is my 3rd anniversarry and the hubby always takes a few days off then. See ya again soon!

P.S. Thanks to muntahz for the lovely comment last time I posted. It's nice knowing people out there still care :)
Note to Squilla, thanks for stopping by. I hope your job is going well and you get another computer soon. I miss seeing you around.

Dec. 14th, 2007

J&M

a holiday hello

Hello everyone! I'm sorry I've disappeared lately. My father in law came home from the hospital & needs a fulltime caregiver, so that's what my days are spent doing. At night I'm just too worn out to do anything. I make dinner for my husband & curl up in bed.

Self improvement stuff has fallen to the wayside. I still haven't started exercising. I have managed to keep with my plan to give up meat. No red meat or poultry in 2 months. I do eat tuna on occasion. It makes me feel better not eating meat. Now I just need to start making other healthy choices & lowering my calorie intake. I'm hoping to make those changes in the new year once my father in law needs less care.

I just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing okay, still reading everyone journals, & will be writing more in the future. Until then, happy holidays!!!!!

Nov. 2nd, 2007

loy close up determined

November: new month, new start

As I said in my last post I'm going to restart my self improvement plan this month. I'll start slowly, with little changes. I've noticed that I tend to go a bit overboard and get too strict with myself too soon when I'm dieting/exercising and then I burn out after a month or two, so the plan for November is to make small changes that I feel I can live with long term. So, with that in mind I'm cutting down dramatically on my meat eating. I don't intend to suddenly try to become a strict vegan or anything. I'll still eat fish, eggs and dairy. At the healthiest time of my life I was vegetarian and eliminating meat really worked for helping me maintain a healthy weight, it also gave me more energy for exercising because I didn't feel so weighed down and bloated. I don't think I digest meat very well. Another goal for the month is to begin eating at least two or three meals a day. I tend to eat just one big meal at the end of the day, which is probably another reason I don't have much energy. I'm not going to focus much on calorie consumption this month but I will be working on consuming smaller portions.  I'm going to start exercising next week, small exercise sessions 3 days a week for the first week and build up from there. I don't have enough time at the moment for long work outs and it would probably send my body into shock anyway :).

I weighed myself yesterday and as I suspected I've gained a huge amount of weight during the last six weeks of sitting at the hospital and constant eating out . Current weight is 312.5 lbs. Which I believe is about 22 lbs more than I weighed before my birthday. My goal is to be under 300 lbs by the end of the month, to be exercising several days a week and taking multivitamins daily.

Oct. 25th, 2007

J&M

I had a dream


 For anyone interested, here's a quick update on everything that's currently going on here in my 'real' life:

   
Now, on to a few of my recent thoughts :)

Last night I had a very emotionally uplifting dream. I was healthy, strong, in great shape and at a good weight for me. I looked wonderful, positively glowing, but more importantly I FELT wonderful. So light and free and confident. I was attending a photography/art class. It was suppose to be a class for all forms of arts and crafts, and people at all levels of talent and ability, but I got the impression that everyone else there had had lots of training and had worked with each other a long time; basically a very elite and gifted clique. The class was filled with the kind of creative, brilliant, stylish, accomplished people who would usually intimidate me and make me feel like I needed their approval but wasn't good enough to get it. In my current life I know I could never have walked into a class like that and participated but in my dream it didn't phase me a bit. I didn't think at all about how I would be judged or if I would be good enough. I just walked into the room and jumped into a project with complete confidence that whether or not I made the best art I was still worthy enough to be there. I liked myself and my abilities and didn't need anyone on the outside to validate me.  It was so wonderful to feel that accepting of myself, to feel that I was living up to my full potential and being the woman I've always felt I should be. I woke up happy. I also woke up with the realization that I've had moments in my life when I've felt that good and they were always when I was extremely physically fit and very actively involved in life and learning new things. I've felt my most vibrant and alive when I'm nurturing myself, caring for myself, and growing as a person.

For some people the keystone of living up to their potential and being the person they want to be is based on their jobs, or their social life, their family or their standing in the community, their involvement in church or the amount of money they have in their retirement fund . Each of us has our own internal compass that lets them know they are on the right track. It's not necessarily the most important thing in their lives, it's just the thing that gives them the feeling that they are centered and balanced and able to face life head on. For me that keystone is active participation in taking care of myself. It means getting myself very strong and healthy, constantly trying to grow and improve in all areas but particularly in physical fitness and health. By this I don't mean just getting thin, although that is a part of the process. I've been extremely thin in the past and felt miserable and out of control because even though I was teeny tiny I wasn't healthy at all. For me to feel in balance and centered I need to feel that I am doing everything I can to take good care of myself and live up to my potential. Right now,even though I am a good wife and decent human being I just don't feel that I'm truly being the woman I was born to be because one area of my life is completely out of whack and unfortunately it's the area that I most need to be in control of to feel good about myself: MY HEALTH. To feel good about myself and in control of my life I absolutely MUST get in control of my healthy.  It's time to get  back into self improvement mode.

As of November 1st I will be starting over again. You'll be seeing more updates in my journal, though they may just be a listing of what exercises I've done or what I've eaten, but I will be here more often. I think it's important to chart my progress somewhere and this is the ideal place to start. So on November 1st I'll be recording my weight, measurements, a few self tests for physical fitness (like how many sit ups I can do in a minute), how many steps I take during the day, and possibly my blood pressure if I can find a blood pressure cup.  I'll also post what sort of diet I plan to follow (something I need to research a bit and plan menus for over the next few days).  I'm also going to work on getting my husband to join me in this to some degree. Even though he's thin, I think he could use a healthier diet and more exercise too. Plus, I need a diet/workout buddy :)

 
I hope all of you are doing well. I'll stop by your journals today before I head into the hospital :)

Oct. 8th, 2007

writing gypsy rose lee

Thanks for all the wonderful, supportive comments everyone!!

Everyone who visits & comments here are just wonderfully lovely and I really appreciate the support I've received during a rough time, especial thanks to allconsoffun , morgail , sourisverte , muntahz , Luna, and Squilla for your kind comments.

Well, it's been two weeks since my father-in-law had his aortic anyuerism rupture. Now they are actually calling it a thoracic aortic aneurysm which apparently is even worse. He was finally moved from the cardiac intensive care unit to the regular cardiac care unit on Friday, though honestly we haven't seen a huge improvement yet. He's still too weak to walk and is still on a feeding tube and struggling with his breathing. His vocal chords were also damaged a little bit and so his voice is very weak. We're beginning to wonder a little bit if his recovery is so slow due a little bit to depression or something. He won't do the breathing exercises, or much of anything for himself. The doctors want him up & moving more but he says he's too weak and tends to get very anxious and have anxiety attacks. Basically it's just slow going. They aren't saying when he will be sent home. Possibly after leaving this cardiac unit he may be put into a rehabilitation unit to work on getting stronger. We'll just have to wait and see. In the meantime my husband and I have spent 4-5 hrs a day at the hospital. Who would have thought that just sitting in a hospital could be so utterly exhausting.

Our schedule has been turned topsy turvy and is completely chaotic. I'm never sure when we'll be at the hospital, somedays it's afternoons, others it's evenings, still others it's mornings. I'm a creature of routine so this doesn't suit me at all. I don't seem get anything done. To make things more fun I've caught a bit of a sinus cold which leaves me feeling exhausted. What timing! Also my computer is on the fritz. I can get online currently just to browse but I can't use any of my other programs. No school work, no using photoshop, no games. The hard drive is pretty fried and as soon as my hubby gets a moment (which may be awhile) I'll have to have the computer overhauled.  Ain't life fun?

I haven't had an opportunity to visit any webpages since the end of september but I will begin doing so in the next few days. Sorry I haven't been visiting and commenting at anyone's pages lately. I haven't forgotten you all. It's just been a rough few weeks.

Sep. 30th, 2007

loy close up determined

Family Crisis

We had to come home early from our Grass Valley vacation and cancel our trip to Phoenix to see the skating show. My husband's father suffered an Aortic aneurysm and went through a 9+ hr  highly invasive and dangerous surgery. He's currently in the cardiac intensive care unit at our local hospital. He's stable but very very weak. His recovery is hampered even more by the fact that he has quite bad asthma. Other than the asthma he was a pretty healthy and active 78 (guessing, he doesn't admit his age :) ) year old before this happened so he has a strong constitution and his own personal strong will and stuborness on his side . Although everything is being taken day by day I think the doctors are optimistic that he will recover from this.  We're spending most of our time at the hospital right now. I'll update here when I can. 

Sep. 19th, 2007

back to back nick nora

What a wonderful 35th b-day!!



      I'm home from Avalon and it was an absolutely wonderful birthday vacation! We got to completely relax and enjoy time together. We just wandered around the town taking photos and eating for 3 days. My wonderful husband signed us up for an island bus tour and for a semi submersible submarine ride to feed fish in the harbor. We had a gorgeous hotel room with an ocean view (and a jacuzzi tub that I thoroughly enjoyed!) . We also took a tour of the wonderful Avalon Casino (not a gambling casino but an art deco ballroom & theater). Along with a bunch of wonderful gifts, my husband also took me for a psychic reading something I've always wanted to try and it was incredible too. I'll write more about all of this soon. Unfortunately I don't have much time to write about anything in depth.

Tomorrow morning we're leaving for another 5-6 days. We're heading up to Grass Valley California for the Draft Horse Classic; a great horse show featuring BIG draft horses particularly friesians and belgians. If I'm lucky there will be a gypsy horse or two (my favorite horse breed).  My husband is really the horse person in our family but I've learned to love them too. It was devastating to us when we lost our horse to cholic last year. Hopefully we'll get another in a few years. I'm looking forward to the show and to exploring the towns in the area as well as the Sierra Nevada Mountains. By the end of this month I'm going to have about 6,000 photos to go through and edit. We've done so much travelling lately.

The only slight downside of our trip is that we may run into my husband's ex girlfriend. She's very active in the horse circuit and has a side business braiding the horse manes/tails for shows. Normally she works hunters/jumpers so I was a bit surprised to see her across the arena when we went to the Draft horse show last year. Luckily we didn't actually come face to face with eachother so that awkwardness was avoided then, but it's quite likely that she'll be there again this year and thus I may run into her.  The thought of running into her isn't an issue for my husband. He ended that relationship (which was quite crappy & emotionally empty) and in fact didn't even recognize her last year.  He couldn't care less that she may be there and I doubt has given it any thought at all. I did mention it once and he said he'd love to be able to show me off to her and other old acquaintances. Still, it makes me a bit uncomfortable purely on a vanity issue.  I've never met his ex but saw photographs & then saw her in person. She's quite beautiful, and more importantly THIN. Who wants to be introduced to their husband's ex girlfriend when they are a cow and she's  gorgeous & thin. Ninety percent of the time I don't allow these thoughts to cross my mind and I focus on how much fun we're going to have, but once in awhile I get to comparing myself and feeling a bit down & embarrassed by my weight. My husband thinks I"m amazing and superior to every other woman so I don't feel jealous in that sense. It's all just a vanity issue. I'm afraid of being judged for my weight and embarrassed that it reflects badly on my husband. Silly of me, but still a little niggling thought in the back of my head. Grrrrr, I wish I thought I was as terrific as my husband does.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. AGain I'll be away for awhile. I'll update as soon as I get back, probably next Wednesday or Thursday. Sorry I haven't been able to visit many journals and leave comments. Things will settle down soon and I'll have plenty of time to get back into the groove of things and to get back on the good health bandwagon.

Sep. 14th, 2007

J&M

Yippee!!!!

My hubby has surprised me with a 4 day trip to Catalina Island for my 35th b-day on Saturday. We're headed to the ferry in just a few minutes for our 6:45 am boarding. I'm so excited!

See ya on Monday or Tuesday! 

Sep. 13th, 2007

J&M

Migraine yet again, joy

These definitely seem to come on right before my period, sometimes a day or two before and sometimes during. They are so misserably horrid. Nasty throbbing pain that starts in my head and seems to take over my whole body, extreme nausea, bright flashing lights behind my eyes, sensitivity to light and noise, intense dizziness that makes  the world feel like it's swirling and moving about even when I'm laying still, and sometimes a very fast heartbeat. Usually these last 3-4 hrs up to 2 days. I had to deal with a 4 hr one this morning that is still lurking just below the surface. I wonder if this is something I should see a doctor about or just another sidebenefit of my period that has to be endured? 

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